I was driving my 8 year old daughter Olivia home from a sleep over the other day. I asked what her and Lilly had done for fun. She rattled off a list of activities and then told me that they had just been in Lilly's room playing for the morning. "Playing what?" I asked. "Well, we made up different names and then pretended we were those people." Then she says, "Lilly was Alex Fingerbopper...a rich, prissy weirdo. I was Jessica Page...an artist with anger management problems."
I practically spit my coffee all over the windshield.
When Olivia was really little...like 4...her and I used to play "Betty and Sally" where we weren't mother and daughter, but two friends named Betty and Sally. We didn't really DO anything. Just hung out as Betty and Sally. With purses.
Sometimes its nice to BE somebody else for awhile.
The kids go back to school on Tuesday and this is good. Camp Mom is over and we're all ready. I've been doing my best to avoid the darkroom...knowing that I can go in with focus and long stretches of uninterrupted time very soon. I often think about the artists who have the luxury of working in an art bubble. And I admit, there are days where I wish I was one of them. Just to see what it feels like. And I wonder if I would be more productive, prolific, successful, or even a better photographer.
But it is this chaotic, loud, rich life o' mine that has shaped my sensibilities as an artist. These crazy people are the whole reason I ever picked up the camera 13 years ago. Motherhood has given me a sensitivity to the world that is present in every good photograph I make. I think my frustration comes more from my own impatience. Nobody loves instant gratification more than me. I LOVE instant gratification. Now Is Better than later. Strange that I'm a film and darkroom girl huh? Digital is Now, Film is Later. Go figure.
But making one's mark in the world as an artist requires persistence. Which always brings me back to the book "Art and Fear" where they say the only difference between the artists who QUIT and the artists who don't, is that those who don't... LEARNED HOW TO NOT QUIT. Ya gotta be in it for the long haul. Instant gratification is not mentioned.
I have two solo shows opening in the next five months. I have a c/v that didn't exist a year ago. And I get to take my own pictures. This is progress. I am not stuck. I'm not burnt out. I'm just doin' my thang. Amongst the fighting dogs and constipated kid and 10,000 legos and nerf gun wars and What's for Dinner?
Jessica Page and Betty and Sally may have quiet, focused lives where Art is made without interruption...eh...its over-rated.
